the importance of validation

hello, remember me?
i hardly do. life should not be so busy, i tell myself. it is not good for the soul. it is not good for the wrinkles between my eyes. it is not good for that damn sciatic nerve that will not let me walk/sleep/rest/do anything in peace. but i digress. there are things to do and dreams to be dreamt as soon as i fire this off.

i'm booking like a mad woman. want me to come see you in your town this fall? speak now because, well, now's the best time. so far we are playing in wisconsin, minnesota, illinois, indiana, ohio, tennessee, west virginia, texas, south carolina, georgia, maryland, and kansas and quite probably in missouri, virginia, north carolina, alabama, louisiana, new york, and kentucky. maybe also connecticut rhode island and massachusetts. i think that will about do us in. oh yeah - michigan. the cold and snow of michigan. (see: antihero).

so my sisters are here and EFT (Everyone's Favorite Tourist (see march 2005)) is back in full effect. something about being a tour guide to them makes me want to be a tour guide for everyone (except when it makes me want to kill them, please see paragraph below). I feel compelled to help elderly americans count their change, help lost venezuelans read a train schedule, and of course recycle recycle recycle. i walked around rome all day friday with empty bottles in my purse because seeing 2000 years of dirt upon dirt was just too much - i just couldn't throw away those bottles. they HAD to be recycled.

so we were in line to see the sistine chapel. this is a line that extends for ... 2 kilometers maybe? it had been hotter than sin for weeks but due to a somewhat destructive storm that passed through friday morning, rome was actually more than bearable. it was even lovely. we waited in line and had the good fortune to be in front of two people that i just wanted to strangle. i say good fortune because it made the hour wait fly by. they were the kind of travelers i truly and sincerely want to lock in a train bathroom. i am sure they exist in every nationality - it's not just americans that are like this - but americans are the only ones i can understand when they babble on incessantly, apart for the italians, and they are rarely in line with me at the vatican museum.

so these two girls were behind us during our hour wait, reading out loud from their rick steve's travel book. i have rarely heard "like" used so many times in a row. "like" was used to prop up other "likes." it was a filler. it was the very air they were breathing. it colored conversations like:

"yeah, so, like, it only took michaelangelo like 4 years to do the sistine chapel. weird. i like thought it took much longer than that."
"yeah, like what was that guy's name? brunelleschi? (pronounced way wrong here) didn't he do those doors that took like 30 years?" (no, that was ghiberti, but i didn't say anything).
"yeah, like 30 years! what is up with that? can you imagine doing a project for 30 years. i'd quit after, like, a week." [oh really? because you struck me as the type to, you know, stick it out.]
"it must be like so painstaking to do those doors. it's like when you go to the dentist and they take a really long time cleaning your teeth. i love going to the dentist."
"really? i hate it. i'm always like oh god i have to go again."
"yeah, i asked my dental hygienist and she was like, yeah, you are one of the only people who loves coming here. i really really like it."

at this point she resumed her reading out loud of rick steves. after a few minutes of this irritation, she says to her friend,
"if this is like bothering you, just tell me. i'm like so bored that i just don't know what else to do. so if you want to just tell me to shut up just tell me." [does this invitation extend to the people around her, or just her dumb friend?]

somehow they got on states. you know, like visiting other states. one was from california and one was from ohio and apparently those were the only two places worth visiting in the world...
"yeah, like alabama? i mean, who goes to alabama?"
"yeah, or like any of those states down there. i really have no desire to go to texas. all of those republicans would kill me."
"yeah, all those f-in' conservatives."
"what does it cost to get in here?" [the museum]
"i don't know. probably an ass rapage." [direct quote]
"oh, look, there's mary. jesus christ." [outside the vatican walls]
"this building is like so ugly. if i were just like driving by i wouldn't even like want to stop and see what was inside. i would just keep going."
"yeah, what's up with all those conservative states anyhow?"
"i took this class on, like, the electoral college. it's there because, you know, there are those small states that need to be represented."
"yeah, like arkansas. but aren't they democrats?"
"i don't know, but it's scary cause they can just, you know, vote for whoever they want. i think it happened once that like, someone got the popular vote and someone got the electoral college."
"didn't that happen with bush and gore?"
"i don't know. maybe. i can't remember."

jessica turns to me and says, "really, it's the range of their conversation that is so amazing."

we're about halfway through the line and we're starting to sweat. people of all nationalities are line jumping, causing more cursing and banality from the two girls who are, like, not happy about it at all. i managed to hold my tongue through the mispronounciations and the ass rapage and the "yeah, i can't believe all of these people are here to see all this art. we're just gonna run in and see the chapel and be out. we got things to do." i kept my mouth shut, but when the blonder one started in on train tickets i couldn't help it.

"yeah, i just gotta write it on my hand. validate validate validate. why can't i f'in remember to do that?"
"yeah, it's so hard. i never remember."
"i mean, why do they have to make it so hard with their damn two-part system? why do i have to buy it and validate it? and then i've heard there are these f'ers who will totally like give you a giant fine if you forget and i never remember. i've got to write it on my hand."

i turned and pointed out that if you don't validate the ticket and a conductor never comes by to check out your ticket, you basically have a free ticket to use again. it works that way in EVERY train or subway or bus system in the world. you are on the honor system to validate your ticket in case the conductor doesn't come by. they paused and thought about it for a fraction of a second before hi-fiving and saying,
"yes! we've got, like, a free ticket back to cinque terre!"

The rest of our day was, mercifully, free of the kind of morons that give Americans a bad name in the world. It was, however, full of lovely churches, a kickass coffee at Bar Peru in Via Giulia (go!!!!), and about 10 fountains full of ice-cold water that kept us alive as we sprinted through Rome, covering St. Peter's, the Vatican, the Forum, the Colosseum, Piazza Navona, the Pantheon, and I don't even remember what else, all in about 8 hours. We even remembered to validate on the metro. It's amazing what you can get done, even coming from one of those damned conservative states that no one wants to visit. yee haw.

Off to bed now. Enjoy your weekend and FORZA ITALIA!
love
vanessa